Saying No is not easy. We like to please and get in the good books of others. So, the natural inclination is to say “Yes” and make the other person happy. What we don’t realise at that instant is the cost to ourselves – in terms of time and bandwidth to fulfil the promise we have just made. In my post on Commitments, I had written: “We should not make commitments we cannot keep. That means saying No and perhaps disappointing the other person. But it is better to say it upfront rather than keep things hanging. Many a time, I have been asked to advise someone, or join a Board. My answer is a clear No, because I know that (a) I don’t like it (b) I don’t want to be distracted from the things I am doing. A commitment will require time; it is not to be taken lightly. Hence, it is better to be upfront and decline rather than do a shoddy job to give momentary delight to the other person, and then hope for a memory lapse later!”
We have full lives. There is a routine that we are all into, and then there are the surprises that constantly come our way to fill in the available time. Even if we have some free time, we find ways to fill it. In this midst, we get the requests from others to do actions which will entail significant investment of time from our end. These could be one-off or on a continuing basis. These are the decisions we need to think about before accepting. In fact, the default answer should be a No; a Yes should require much more thinking and understanding of the consequences.
Saying No is perhaps the best productivity hack. Often, the Yeses will end up draining us and not achieving anything consequential. Of course, there are times when a Yes needs to be said for reasons where a No will impact relationships (family, friends, or business). I am not concerned about those Yeses; the ones that we need to worry about are where we have a choice and say Yes without having fully considered the impact.
A colleague recently asked me if I could come to Pune for a business meeting. The meeting would be an hour, but it would end up taking most of the day in travel. It was a first meeting and it wasn’t clear if the senior business leader would be present. I decided to say No and offered to do the meeting on Zoom. If an in-person was needed, I would combine it later with some other meetings in the city or someone else could travel and I could join remotely. As it turned out, the meeting happened on Zoom and was an exploratory one and where the senior business leader did not show up. While this was a one-off, we need to be especially careful about making recurring commitments. The longer these last, the harder it becomes for us to exit them. We must put a value on our time.
James Clear writes: “Not doing something will always be faster than doing it…For example, there is no meeting that goes faster than not having a meeting at all. This is not to say you should never attend another meeting, but the truth is that we say yes to many things we don’t actually want to do. There are many meetings held that don’t need to be held…How often do people ask you to do something and you just reply, “Sure thing.” Three days later, you’re overwhelmed by how much is on your to-do list. We become frustrated by our obligations even though we were the ones who said yes to them in the first place. It’s worth asking if things are necessary. Many of them are not, and a simple “no” will be more productive than whatever work the most efficient person can muster. But if the benefits of saying no are so obvious, then why do we say yes so often?”
So, the next time you are asked for a Yes, pause, take some time to think, and see if a No can do the job instead.
Reminded me of a book I read years ago, “Don’t say Yes, when you want to say No.’ Amazing treatise by Mr. Jain. I call it a ‘disease of sounding good’ which is ery prevalent in the society, especially at the higher management level.