Home in the World
At dinner with a friend, we started talking about our kids. Our 18-year-olds were headed to the US for undergrad. I mentioned to my friend about memories of my going to IIT-Bombay and hostel life, and the learnings during those four years. My friend, who had done his undergrad in the US, also had very good memories about campus life. As we ended our dinner, he said, “Rajesh, since you love writing so much, why not write a blog series on what advice would you give to 18-year-olds on the cusp of their undergrad life?” I liked the idea. As I thought more about it on the drive back home, I decided to frame it as advice that I would give my 18-year-old self, since most young people are not too excited about receiving life advice from an older parent or adult!
I entered IIT-Bombay at 17. I had never lived away from home. While there was some excitement about hostel life, there were also some anxieties about being away from parents. I had chosen IIT rather than go abroad for undergrad thanks to the sensible advice I had received from a friend who had gone abroad for his undergrad a year ago because IIT education was among the best in the world. So it was that in July 1984, on a drizzling Sunday afternoon, my parents dropped me to my hostel and soon, I was all alone. But not for long. Seniors were waiting to initiate the ragging ritual. Thus began hostel life. I had little or no time to myself between classes and getting introduced to seniors as a “freshie”. Word had spread that I could talk well and was quite sporting. (And could follow instructions on a Maggie packet!)
The first month passed by rapidly. New friends, new surroundings, new explorations. The sheltered life was a thing of the past. Here I was among peers, where the decision-making buck stopped with me. I would call home once a week for a quick update. Even though I went back most Friday nights or Saturday mornings, I was keen to return to my new world quickly. (Going home was about good mom-made food, sleeping, and getting my clothes washed.) The month became a semester, and then a year. My first year at IIT transformed me in many ways, and made me bolder, better, more independent. As it did for many of my friends. Each of us chose our own path through IIT – some concentrated more on academics, others blended studies with extracurricular activities. What we had was some starting advice from our parents to guide us, but eventually we were on our own. We had to fight our own battles, make our own decisions small and big, plan our own way forward. And in the process, we discovered ourselves.
The one advice I have given many parents through the years is to send their children away from home to a hostel for their undergrad. Let them grow up on their own, let them figure out their lives, let them become their best versions. One of the best ways to accelerate this process is to put them in surroundings different from home. As Abhishek and many others his age go out into the world in a process of learning and self-discovery, I asked myself, “What advice would I give him? Even better, what advice would I give my teenage self?”
