Habits and Friends
It is very important to also set the ground rules of what you will not do. Peer pressure is a big deal. It can push in many different ways – and not all are for the good. This is where nurturing matters. Parents have imparted to us the framework for deciding between what is right and wrong. They know us better than we know ourselves. At no time should we do anything that we or they will regret. In that one moment of weakness among a group of friends, in that one sentence challenging us, we are very liable to go astray. That is the moment of truth. No one is looking, but there is an inner voice talking and eyes above watching.
Freedom comes with responsibilities. These have to be self-defined. There are no parents to set the boundaries. What time one wakes up, what time on esleeps, what one eats or drinks, what friends one makes, what habits one embraces – these are the decisions that only you can make. The guiding light must be the boundaries one sets.
Going from the constraints of home life to the extreme freedoms of dorm life can be exciting at first. No permissions, no answering questions, no asking! It is a life which I could only imagine when I went to IIT. But then I also realised soon enough that I have to cultivate habits carefully and make friends even more judiciously. Just because there were no minimum attendance requirements did not mean that I could miss class when I wanted. Just because there was no one to make sure I am awake did not mean I could sleep as long as I wanted. Just because there was no one to check the statements I was making did not mean I could lie to those closest to me. I had to make sure I stayed true to myself. I could not in a few months undo all the good my parents had taught me – just because I had the freedom to.
Above everything is the selection of friends. Not only will you select friends but your friends will also select you. Choose carefully. And do not let old friendships die just because some new ones are being formed. Even today, two of my best friends are those from school. While we may not meet as often, the friendship has stayed for 40+ years. It has survived slaps, short-lived anger, time, distances, and periods of silence. Friendships do not see caste, class, gender, or nationality. With friends, it doesn’t matter when one meets; the conversation can be continued as if you had met just yesterday.
Just as parents did not judge you, take you for what you are, and see and bring out the best in you, so do good friends. Cultivate good friendships and go the extra mile for them. Friendship is not a balance sheet where giving and taking needs to be matched. It is about unconditional giving. It is about being there when needed – and sometimes even when not needed. Friends are the one true constant in a world that changes, where short-term demands take over, where time pressures and deadlines are abundant.
Because when you look back to your younger days, you will not remember what was written on the blackboard. But you will always remember the vulnerable moments shared late at night, and the comforting hand that you felt on your shoulder.
